To My Children, on Mother's Day

I've been thinking a lot about this mother's day that's coming up. It's so fun to get all the little notes, pictures, and about me cards that the kids write at school. I love their pictures and stories, and the genuine thoughtfulness that goes into it all.  But I love my kids more! I love that because of them, I am a mom. I am immensely grateful for the blessing I have to be their mom. To love them, to care for them.  So it seems fitting to let them know that they are the best thing that's ever happened to me!

To Jordyn- I remember the moment you were born. I remember being terrified and breathless with wonder all at the same time at my firstborn. You made me a mom, first and foremost. You came while I was young and completely inexperienced, and had so much to learn. And somehow you survived it all. :) You have endured the learning curve as we learn and grow, and go through this life together, as mother and daughter.  I remember holding you as a newborn, amazed that my hand could completely go around your back. I was in awe of your tiny little body, and yet the big spirit that was housed in that little body. You have taught me to feel emotions, so love deeply, and to let it show.  I would snuggle with you in our rocking chair, in your purple painted room, so perfect for you, and I would have tears flowing down my cheeks as we rocked and I sang to you. Crying (even a happy cry) is not something I was used to.  You are a beautiful girl, full of sensitivity and kindness. My hope is to help that love of kindness continue to blossom in you. I hope to help you spread your wings and be whatever it is you choose to be.

To Tyler- I'll never forget the moment I held you first, you seemed so tiny! You were a little yellow baby, full of jaundice that terrified me. But all ended up well, and you have been healthy as can be ever since! You gave me a run for my money as a baby, and those lungs have had a lot of exercise. You have never been afraid to share what's on your mind, what you need, and what you want. You have shown me that there are different ways to see the world. Your mind is an amazing thing, and you see the world differently than I do, and I find it completely fascinating! I learn a lot from you in our conversations. I love your outgoingness, your ability to make friends, and to make people feel comfortable.  You are a smart boy, you are meant for great and big things in your life, that I know for sure. I am thankful that you love to snuggle, and that you love to share with me what is going on in your head, and your thoughts and dreams. I hope that never ends. I hope you learn to harness your energy and intelligence and to be the creator you are growing up to be.

To Reagan- my baby girl. You came fast and furiously, and you haven't slowed down since. I will always remember holding you at 3 days old, and thinking "There is something different about this girl". You had a different feeling, or maybe I had a different feeling. You have proven to have "stretched" my mothering skills in completely different ways than your older siblings, but I think that feeling will prove itself more and more as you continue to grow. You have a personality all your own. You have spunk and charm, and use big vocabulary words that I didn't even know 4 year olds knew. You love deeply, and I am thankful you have taught me this ability. You are sensitive, and you are a protector. You are a guardian of our family, and don't allow anyone or anything to come between us. I wonder when the day will come that your dad and I won't wake up to you sideways in our bed anymore, but I know I'll miss having you close when it does. There isn't much I can tell you to do, you have a strong streak that means you do things when you want to do them, and not a minute sooner. And I've learned to deal with it and flex. And, it's been wonderful for me. I hope to teach you to continue your independence, to bask in life's light and live it to the fullest.

To Jacob- my baby. Forever my baby. You are the caboose to our family, and I know you'll love that because you love all things trains. We have a bond, you and I. A special mother/son, and mother/last child bond. It is strong. I have fought for you and for our bond in ways I have never had to before. And it has completely changed me forever. You are sweet and kind, and feisty. You love to snuggle and you love to be doted on. The role of baby in the family is one you seem to very much enjoy! You have 3 siblings and 2 parents wrapped around your fingers, and boy do you know it. I love your smile, I love hearing you sing your favorite songs, and playing with your beloved trains. There is still much to learn about who you are and what your personality will still form to be. But I know you are a fighter. We have fought together, and struggled together, early on in your life. There were hard things you've already been through, and you've come out on top with me. I know this will be a blessing to you. I hope to teach you to continue to fight for what you want, and for what is good and right.

To all 4 of you- I love our time together. I love to be your mom. I love helping with homework and cooking breakfast, and I secretly love carpooling you guys all around town. I love being busy with your activities and seeing you each thrive and experience life. But mostly, I love when we all snuggle together, when we have those quiet moments whose feeling can't be replicated any other time. You four are the reason I am a mom, for the divine job I have been given to love and raise you. Honestly, I have NO idea what I'm doing, but I'm doing my best, and I promise to never let you down.

Love,
Mom